A Seven-Day Work Week

Consider yourselves fortunate. I'm on day seven of my work week, but didn't want to make you wait another day for this installment of Thinking Hard. I know, I know...you can thank me later.

Tracking the news this week...did you see the viral (HEAVY emphasis on the word "viral") video on YouTube from the Domino's restaurant in North Carolina? I won't post it here because I can gross you out on my own...I don't need any help. But long story short, two employees taped a video in the kitchen of a Domino's in Conover, NC. In the video, a guy puts cheese up his nose, then puts it on a sandwich (presumably for a customer, but the employees claim the food was NOT delivered to anyone). In another spot, he's show pulling down his pants and wiping his ass with meat, then putting it on sandwiches. Yeah, so, um, they got FIRED (I'm sure it was because of the economy...no?). You'd expect them to be 16 or 17 years old...but they were in their EARLY 30S!!! Seriously? I'm about that age and even I don't think that's funny (though, by the looks of some of my previous posts, I think my classification of the word "humor" should be re-examined). One of the two employees is a divorced mother of two! Divorced, you say? Huh...shocking. Anyway, Domino's corporate released a statement saying this was "the independent act of two idiots" and did not reflect on the company as a whole. That's got to be the first time I've EVER seen the word "idiots" in any kind of corporate statement. I like it, and I think the Obama Administration should use it more when describing the nation's banking industry.

Look, down the street! It's a possum! It's a cat! It's...OCTOMOM! (you'll note I used animals that are generally seen with litters of 6-200 babies) In perhaps one of the most ridiculous pieces of paper sent to the U.S. Patent Office (Patent Pending)...short of the product "I Can't Believe It's Not Edible"...2009 Hottest Mess Tournament Champ Nadya Suleman filed to have the nickname "Octomom" patented and in her control. She has to be kidding. She realizes SHE didn't come up with the nickname, right? It sounds like she wants to apply the moniker to a sponsorship deal for diapers and other baby products. Let me tell you...if I'm a parent, I'm sure as hell NOT going to buy diapers with Nadya Suleman's face on them: "For the mom who can't stop breeding...or getting financial assistance from the government...it's Welfare-Wear!"

Former Illinois Governor (and financial advisor for Thinking Hard...hey, that guy can turn ANYTHING into a goldmine!) Rod Blagojevich wants to go on TV again. This time, he wants to compete on NBC's forgettable "Help! I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here!" For those of you who watch TV a lot and STILL haven't heard of this show, NBC takes the D-list stars who missed the cut on Celebrity Apprentice and tosses them on an island a la Survivor. Then, viewers vote who to get off the island and I assume there's some prize yada yada. He's perfect for the part...if by "celebrity" you mean "cheating politician who's as guilty as O.J." Anyway, Blagojevich wants to be on the next outing that's set for Costa Rica, except he can't leave the U.S. while he's charged with trying to get money for Barack Obama's old Senate seat. I wonder if he can get NBC to move the show to his prison. Last person stuck there faces the electric chair? Sounds like fun...

Speaking of O.J., Hulk Hogan fell deathly ill this week with a case of "diarrhea of the mouth." He was talking about the toll that his divorce is taking on him and talked about the pain of seeing a 19-year-old driving around in his car and knowing that kid is sleeping with his wife. He said (and I'm not making this up), "I totally understand O.J. now. I get it." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? If anything happens to his ex-wife, we'll know who to put on trial. I can imagine his testimony: "Brothurrr, lemme tell ya, Mean Gene, all the millions of Hulkamaniacs are gonna cheer me on as I walk into that execution chamber and take on the Million Dollar Man and I'm gonna win that championship belt again." Would the record reflect that Mr. Hogan is now ripping off his shirt and posing on the witness stand? Seriously, who would Hogan's "dream team" be? Macho Man Randy Savage, Ultimate Warrior and Hacksaw Jim Duggan? "Mr. Duggan, could you please instruct your client to keep his clothes on?...YOU GOT IT, TOUGH GUY! HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Some diners in New Jersey are upset. They paid their bills when they were out to eat, but the waiter never came back with the change. Then the REAL waiter came out and asked them to pay. Turns out, the "waiter" who took the money didn't even work at the restaurants at all and just ran off with about $200 in cash. Police are still looking for this guy. He's described as being dressed nice and having spiky hair. Police released this sketch of the suspect:





Finally today, a "feel-good" moment. You might have seen this on the news this week, but it's still worth watching. "Britain's Got Talent," or whatever it's called, had a woman on this week who's 47 years old, somewhat homely, active in her church and says she's never been kissed. And all she wanted to do was sing. What happened next is truly inspirational:
(ed. note: I was unable to find a YouTube clip that I could embed in this post, so please click on this link to see the seven-minute clip.)
-B-