And That's The Way It Is

Before we begin today, let me briefly mention the passing of a famous man. Michael Jackson is...oh, wait, no, that's not it...veteran newsman Walter Cronkite died Friday night. I know a lot of you who read this blog probably were NOT alive at any point before Cronkite left the air in the early 80s. I was only about 4 years old when he retired from CBS news at 65. Cronkite did it ALL. Every big news story you've ever learned about in school from the 1960s and 1970s, Cronkite covered it. The JFK assassination, the moon landing, the Vietnam war...this guy was the most trusted face in news and everyone listened to him. At the end of one newscast, he gave his opinion (something that was unheard of then...but RAMPANT now, even in LOCAL news) that he disagreed with the Vietnam War and thought it was a war the United States couldn't win. President Lyndon Johnson later remarked that he knew if he lost Cronkite, he lost middle America. Cronkite paved the way for such journalists as Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw and Sam Donaldson. And on a personal note, I know this following clip almost by heart, which is remarkable, since I wasn't born until some 14 years later. Cronkite was the standard by which we all studied journalism. And it's sad that he left this world at a time when many longtime television anchors are also leaving your living rooms. Economic cutbacks and general feelings that overpaid anchors do nothing have forced many newsrooms to cut their most well-known faces. Where does that leave us? I can assure you I have yet to meet any news anchor who can hold a candle to Cronkite, Rather or Brokaw. And with those names gone from the news, can the future of television itself be far behind? Thank you for your hard work and diligence for the American people, Mr. Cronkite:



Now, to the business at hand...MICHAEL JACKSON WAS MURDERED! Yes, it's true! His father, Joe Jackson, says so!...Seriously? It was announced this week that there may have been a deal struck with ABC News to pay $200,000 for video of an unaired reality show project with Joe and Katherine Jackson (Michael's parents)...and as a bonus, they got an interview with Joe Jackson HIMSELF! So former "MTV Newser" Chris Connelly (whose career can be seen spiraling downward two days a month, 9/8 central) sat down with Ol' Joe...and Ol' Joe spewed forth his theory that Michael Jackson's handlers (wranglers? babysitters?) killed the King of Pop because he was worth more dead than alive. And in unrelated news, the big-screen version of "Matlock" will star Joe Jackson as ace attorney/murder-solver Ben Matlock. Watch as he tries to pin a congressman's death on aliens, Bigfoot, Cthulu and Janet Jackson (because she's not speaking out about the "murder" like her sister LaToya...and he always like LaToya better anyway). Seriously, ABC? Hey, I tell you what.. you pay me $200, and I'll do an "exclusive interview" with you, rambling incoherently about the murder of my nonexistent son and how his children should come stay with me because "I have children their size." I tell you what, for an extra C-note, I'll even act like I have Tourette's!

Speaking of things that sound nuts, World Hunger Relief has a new spokesperson...Christina Aguilera. WHAT?! That girl looks like SHE'S starving! Why is she worried about if OTHER people get something to eat?? That girl needs a cracker!!! (and I, like Peter Griffin of "Family Guy," believe if I were to touch her, she would be sticky) Seriously, I saw her gain weight once and I started to feel better for her...until I realized she was pregnant and the weight was a small child! Well, at least you can put her on TV in those starving regions and make us believe that she's starving along with those poor children...unlike Sally Struthers, who apparently made her living EATING those poor children. And Twinkies.

Hey, the economy's still down the shitter. Hopefully this will make you feel a little better about it:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Lenny Dykstra's Financial Career
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

I was going to post the July 13th interview with Barney Frank, but it's really long and I figured you guys don't have the time for that, so let me sum it up...
1. Barney Frank talks with a speech impediment
2. Barney Frank has a sense of humor..but he thinks he's funnier than Jon Stewart
3. Barney Frank is seeing someone (sorry, boys...this one's TAKEN!)
4. Barney Frank needs to put more S-words in his sentences

...And that's the way it is.
-B-