A New Position For A Tiger Woods Mistress

Rachel Uchitel has a new position...she's now a special correspondent for the entertabloid show, "Extra." (What were YOU thinking about her new position??? Dirty.) Yes, it's nice to see a woman prove in the headlines she's an idiot, try to make money off the story and actually be taken seriously by a mainstream television program...isn't that right, Mrs. Palin?

Speaking of sex scandals, you've seen the Taiwan TV animated version of the Tiger Woods scandal...and the late-night talk show wars. Now, check out what they did to John Edwards:


My favorite part is the foot in the ass.)

Also, speaking of sex lives I don't really need to know about...John Mayer's an ass. And he's gonna help sell a shitload of copies of the March issue of Playboy. He did an interview with the magazine and called Jessica Simpson "sexual napalm" and said her sexual abilities were "like a drug...like crack cocaine" for him. He had less kind things to say about ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston. He called her a technophobe and said she wishes she was back in the peak of her career in 1998. He also managed to sneak the N-word in. Yup. Ladies, he's available! (but only for, like, the next 20 minutes...he can't be held down. He's going places. Like the back of his bus.)

While we're on the subject of the written word, the assassination of Abraham Lincoln will now be the subject of a book by Bill O'Reilly. Spoiler alert: a liberal killed him.

Toyota's upset with ABC because of the news department's investigation into the sticking accelerator pedals...so the carmaker pulled ads from ABC affiliates. Ah, yes, a classic case of "I'm not playing with you anymore...I'm taking my deathtrap on four wheels and I'm going home." Next Toyota spokesman? The popular Transformer named "Blur."

If you watched MTV at all this week, you might have noticed a small change. The network has officially (and FINALLY) dropped the words "Music Television" from its logo. That makes sense, since it's really only been reality shows since the 90s. Now they can officially change the name of the network to "Meh TV."

Hey, in case you didn't hear, it snowed here on the east coast. It snowed a WHOLE FUCKING LOT. Take a look at what hit Baltimore over the course of a little more than a day...set to music:



Maybe it's a big enough deal to be covered like THIS from WPIX in New York:



STOP SHOUTING AT ME! To the station's credit, I'm sure there are SOME police captains on the scene of whatever that is...but I highly doubt they are ALL CAPS.

One last piece of business...it's Valentine's Day. If you're looking for that VERY last-minute gift for your sweetheart, why not head over to RunningwithScissors.com, where you can spend ten bucks on THE toy of 2010:



Every doll comes with a year's supply of the popular antacid, Scro-Tums.

No?
-B-