"Dat" Ain't A Real Word

Happy Super Bowl Sunday, dear readers, and welcome to Thinking Hard. You know my favorite part of the Super Bowl? Drinking. My second favorite part? The commercials. The actual game itself ranks down around 32nd on my list. Anyway, I thought it'd be interesting to show you an ad you WON'T see during the big game. Yes, this is a legitimate ad for a legitimate website that was legitimately turned down by CBS:



Okay, sure, it would create an awkward moment in the room full of sweaty, testosterated (2010 Word of the Year, bitches) fellas...but it IS kinda funny. But I understand CBS's Standards and Practices. You don't want to hit on an awkward topic in the middle of a Super Bowl. I mean, you're not going to see an anti-abortion ad starring Tim Tebow or anything like that...wait, they ARE??? Oh, man, this is BULLSH*T!

Let's hit some news, shall we? I'd like to speak in a live interview with a banking exec in Britain to see if the UK's economy is any better off than those of us here in the States...but I don't think I'll be talking to THIS guy, Martin Lakos:



If it's any consolation, the model in question is asking that the guy in the background be allowed to keep his job...presumably so he'll have less time to stalk her.

You know, that's what I love about live interviews...you never know what's going to happen. Take this interview on Chicago's WGN with Mel Gibson about his new movie, "Edge of Darkness" (SURELY to be up for an Oscar next year). Y'know, Mel's been out of the film industry for a few years, though I can't quite remember why...:



Ahhh, THAT'S why. To his credit, at least Mel didn't go off on the guy for insulting his religious beliefs. Apparently it was still too early for Mel to be drunk.

Y'know, let's take a moment to remember that being in the news industry is hard work. It takes a lot of effort to get out there and put together a story in 6 hours. For those of you at home seeking a career in news, but don't quite know how to jump from market 210 to market 25, here's a pointer:



Another pointer...show up to work more than 15 minutes before the show starts. Also, don't forget to be fair and balanced. Like the fine journalists at Fox News. Take President Obama's appearance before the GOP for example:

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Now, in an effort to be "fair and balanced," let's give Fox a chance to respond...with Jon Stewart appearing on Bill O'Reilly:



Wait, did O'Reilly say Fox is the MOST TRUSTED??? Are you fucking kidding me??? Thanks, America. You're the same folks who think Jay Leno is right and Conan is wrong...at least we can all agree Jimmy Kimmel is caught somewhere in the middle:



I dream of a simple time...when gay-dating ads can be shown during the Super Bowl alongside anti-abortion ads and those late-night commercials with the pretty girls I can never talk to, no matter how many times I dial 1-800-HOOK-UPS to talk to the hottest local singles in my area. I dream of a happier time when Conan can keep his spot on late night TV...until Oprah becomes the next host of the Tonight Show. I dream of a day when I can use a preposition to end a sentence to describe what I'm talking about. And I dream of Metal Violin Guitar Hero:



Also, I dream of a Playstation 7. I wonder what THAT will be like...

-B-