Beverly Hills, That's Where I Want To Be

Pardon my jetlagged ass, dear readers, but I just flew back from a weeklong trip to the "City of Angels" about 36 hours ago and I am BUSTED. Seriously, whatever made me think sitting on two flights for a collective five hours? I mean, ASIDE from going to L.A. and seeing people like Bob, the trainer from Biggest Loser, and Howie Mandel... Los Angeles is a pretty wild place. I met and saw some of the most interesting people (like the homeless crossdresser on Hollywood Blvd...no joke) and the most unusual things (like a big sign in the window of a store reading "Clearanse Sale" or the fact that some vandal decided a star on the famous Walk of Fame should be dedicated to "Anal Love"...still no joke). I'm not sure if I could survive out there (oh, the temperatures were SO much more comfortable than this steaming pile of Charlotte), but it was nice to visit. Thanks, Los Angeles, for some great memories...and horrifying nightmares.

Actually, I went with a buddy and met one of his friends from high school...who just happens to be a stand-up comic. She's a trip and a genuinely good person. She ordered our waitress's "award-winning salsa" (to be fair, it WAS good...and it had BLUE CHEESE in it!) and didn't even say a thing to that same waitress when she never returned with our award-winning WATER. Anyway, her name's Shawn Pelofsky and I wanted you all to meet her, so here's some of her stuff:



Hey, while I was in L.A., people thought it was okay to change the Thinking Hard office on me AGAIN. The couch is on the bed, the desk is upside down, my bottles of Jack are all empty...and one of the interns had to leave because of a freak attack by an alpaca. Intern Jessica, though we won't see you every day, you will constantly be in our minds...I'm going to bring you a couple of gifts in the hospital: an alpaca-wool sweater and a large selection of meat that tastes suspiciously like the sweater. Seriously, it won't be the same without you.

Anybody out there a fan of the wildly popular "Shit My Dad Says"? Well, now there's a version for the kids! It's called "Shit My Kids Ruined." It's a blog and, much like "Shit My Dad Says," it's going to be made into a book. Which means it's only a couple of years away from becoming a CBS comedy. I would put the link on the "Friends of the Show," but children frighten me enough as it is.

Some advice to the single...if you need a good pick-up line, try watching AMC's hit drama, Mad Men. The new season starts in a week and is REALLY good. Look, I'm a HUGE fan of the fast-paced whodunnit thrill-a-minute shows...and Mad Men is NOT that. But I started watching the drama set in the ad agencies of New York in the 1960s and I CAN'T STOP WATCHING IT. It is just that good...and I'm a BIG critic of TV and movies. So, for you single fellas out there, here are the pick-up lines of Mad Men:



I can't wait to try them all...they'll work, right?

-B-