| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Blame | ||||
| ||||
(Y'know, someday, the kids from Fox News are going to read my blog and send me a "Cease and STOP ENCOURAGING HIM" letter)
Hmm...it seems the oven isn't quite hot enough. Perhaps I could heat things up with a hotter new look for DC Comics' Wonder Woman. You remember Wonder Woman, right? A lot of red, white and blue in her outfit, lasso, bullet-resistant bracelets, not a lot of clothing...well, she's getting a redux and some say she looks better with MORE clothes on:
As long as this whole "new look" isn't a THING for the rest of the superheroes. I don't think I could handle seeing Batman poppin' his collar... Okay, so the water can still use some heat. Maybe I should toss in my TEMPER. I used to like Judd Apatow. I enjoyed "40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up." Sure, I think it's a LITTLE obnoxious that he casts his wife in a lot of his movies. But THIS time, he's gone TOO far...Apatow says he's going to direct another movie featuring Pee-Wee Herman. I'm going to repeat that for those of you just picking yourselves off the floor: Judd Apatow is directing another movie featuring Pee-Wee Herman. Yes, THAT Pee-Wee Herman, who's DESPERATELY trying to come back from obscurity (and that whole "wanking it" thing in the movie theater). Well, Judd, you might as well have my idea for a movie title: "The 45-Year-Old Spurgin'."
Now we have the water boiling...and looks who's in the hot water already. It's Jay Leno. The New York Post (I know, not the most RELIABLE news source) is reporting that since Leno reclaimed the Tonight Show from Conan O'Brien four months ago, his ratings have been LOWER than the NBC-quote-"abysmal"-ratings that CoCo had before he got canned seven months into his deal. In fact, Leno's salary is reportedly DOUBLE what Conan's was. AND Leno has a bigger production staff than Conan. According to an "insider" quoted in the article, Leno's show is costing NBC $10-15 million MORE a year than Conan's. Hm. Hey, NBC, I've got an idea...how 'bout you offer Jay the same ridiculous deal as you offered Conan...get your ratings as high as EITHER of the two guys before you (yes, that includes himself) and you can keep your job. "Tonight's guests...KARMA!...SARAH PALIN!...and the music of TOBY KEITH! Now here's your host...JAY LENNNNOhmygod he just shot himself in the chin!"
We'll let Jay simmer in that water for a while. Oh, you want to know WHAT I'm cooking? No, no, that's a secret. But I'll give you a hint...here's my receipt for the ingredients. Important: read through all the fine print. If you have to, save it to your computer and make it larger:
All right, just a few more ingredients...y'know, I love cooking with alcohol. I'll occasionally toss in some tequila when I'm making pasta. But there's a new vodka out that just makes me nervous. The Alaska Distillery in Wasilla (you might remember Wasilla from such Sarah Palin speeches as "This is MY main street" and "See, this is where I stand to see Russia") has unveiled a SMOKED SALMON flavored vodka. Really? Ew. I mean, don't get me wrong...I'm totally into eating fishy pink meat...but AFTER I'm done drinking.
That's not even the weirdest thing in the food aisle this week...American Greetings is coming out with Tasties, greeting cards that have a dissolvable flavor strip inside that you're supposed to eat as you're reading the card. Some examples released by the company include cupcakes, doughnuts and margaritas (sorry, non-alcoholic). Just watch out for the one that says "Kiss My Ass."
Okay, it looks like this Thinking Hard stew is just about done...but I need one more ingredient:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Moment of Zen - Joachim Jogi Loew Picks His Nose | ||||
| ||||
Y'know, I'm not so hungry anymore. Happy 4th.
-B-
No comments:
Post a Comment