Oh No, Oprah's Gone...What Do I Do Now???

Welcome to this Memorial Day Weekend edition of Thinking Hard...which will have nothing to do with Memorial Day.

Hey, remember that crazy story about Arnold Schwarzenegger having a love-child? TMZ (yes, THAT TMZ) is reporting Maria Shriver was the one who leaked the news about the affair to the media! Holy shit! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...by another woman who is equally as unattractive. TMZ says Maria actually wanted to hold a news conference and announce all the sordid details publicly. But her friends "talked her off the ledge" and she leaked the information instead. TMZ also says she was unhappy in the marriage for almost two years and just hadn't gotten around to filing for divorce. The matter of divorce is not something to joke about, especially for the couple (and children, if there are any) involved...so I won't. What I WILL say is Maria and Arnold both made a terrible decision in getting married anyway. It's clear she at least respected the institution of marriage if she spent two years unhappy without filing for divorce. HE, on the other hand, couldn't wait to find a woman who wasn't so brittle. Bottom line, the institution of marriage isn't what it was 20 or 30 years ago. People get married at the drop of a hat nowadays...and think having children is the way to feel better about it when things get rough. Seriously? The kids might as well be born singing the lyrics of one of my favorite Stabbing Westward songs: "I can not save you...you can't even save yourself."

Speaking of people doing bat-shit crazy (bringin' back the BSC, baby!) things with children, the Casey Anthony murder trial is in full swing. You'll remember her as the Florida woman who killed her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee, then went out clubbing and groped other women and men. (a side note: I apparently attract BSC women because the first time I saw this chick, I thought she was hot) This week, her lawyers suggested her FATHER helped get rid of the toddler's body AND molested Casey when she was younger. But my favorite part of the trial was the media coverage... specifically when reporters LITERALLY tried to trip up the defense team:



What the *bleep* indeed.

While I'm on the subject of reasonably attractive women who turn out to be cold-blooded bitches, let's talk a moment about Katy Perry. Yeah, I easily overlooked the BSC in HER eyes and thought she might be nice. It turns out she's not. The Smoking Gun website got a hold of her contractual agreement with limo drivers while she's on tour. The paperwork says drivers may not
stare at the back seat in the rearview mirror. The driver also may not converse with her, nor ask for autographs or pictures, and especially not while driving. (THAT part I understand) The driver is not even supposed to open the door for Perry -- her security will do that. Perry also likes the
presidential suite in a five-star hotel, but absolutely no carnations in her dressing room. Ah, I can't wait until Thinking Hard makes ME rich and famous...so I can make ludicrous requests and basically act like a dick. I mean, it's not like the limo driver is gonna throw shit at her or anything. Not like those rude basketball fans did to Charles Barkley:



Not as funny as Tracy Morgan calling Sarah Palin a hot piece of ass during the TNT pre-game, but still..

-B-