Choose Your Own Adventure

You wake up in a dark room. You don't remember much, except that you'd been excited to see that the federal government passed a deal this week to raise the debt ceiling...then the Dow Jones plummeted 500 points Thursday...THEN Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. credit rating (which is what some analysts said would happen anyway since the government needed the ceiling raised by FOUR trillion dollars and the debt plan only called for about TWO trillion). So you went out and drank away your financial woes. Now you're here...laying on the floor in this dark room.

Do you...

a. feel around for a light switch to see where you are?
b. call out to the darkness and see if anyone responds?
c. roll back over and go back to sleep?

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a. Feel around for a light switch.

You start stumbling around like an idiot, hoping you don't accidentally fall on something sharp as you grope around the room. Then you accidentally hit a mug full of hot coffee...



Now you've done it. The hot coffee spilled on a napping guard armed with a Taser. He shocks you. You are dead.

THE END

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b. Call out to the darkness.

You call out to the darkness, hoping someone, ANYONE, will hear your crys for help. Suddenly, several armed police officers rush in with their guns all trained on one spot...you. You beg and plead for them to explain what's going on. One officer says "So, you thought you could commit a crime...and then take suspicion off yourself by REPORTING on the crime on local television news:"



You try to explain it's just a coincidence that has happened before, but the police don't believe you. You spend the next 10 to 20 years in a small confined space learning exactly how Bubba "likes it" (which, by the way, is "start slow and romantic, then get dirty and loud").

THE END

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c. Roll back over and go back to sleep.

You briefly consider getting up to explore, but you realize your situation probably will not change in the next few hours (whatever it is that happened to you) and you REALLY need to sleep off that hangover. As you roll over and drift back to dreamland, your hand brushes against your stomach and feels a couple of freshly-stitched areas about where your kidneys would be. For an instant, you remember a beautiful young woman coming to speak to you at the bar. She told you she was a motocross rider...which you thought seemed ridiculous because of the last time you saw women on a motocross track:



The images of women on dirtbikes falling all over the place make you smile as you fall back asleep. The detectives who find your body later see your smile and think maybe you died in the middle of making love. Guess you fooled them.

THE END
-B-