Ramsey-Palooza For Mother's Day!

Anyone out there catch any news this week? ANY news? At all? Then you probably saw the three women who had been held captive in the basement of a Cleveland, Ohio, home for the past decade. Monday, one of them was finally able to get to the front door of the home and scream for help. The neighbor who heard her is named Charles Ramsey...and he is quite possibly in my top 5 accidental public figures of all time. Seems like a nice guy. Really puts it out there. Let's start with the 911 call he made when he found Amanda Berry, who has apparently been a well-known name in the past ten years in Cleveland... "She white, but the baby look hispanic." Yes, send all of it. Because she's been held in fucking basement for a decade. Put yourself in her shoes. (Thanks, McDonald's.) So, let's go now to the live TV interview he did. It's amazing, after the colorful language he used in the 911 call, that he was able to cleanly make it through the interview without an f-bomb... Big testicles indeed. So, CLEARLY, it's time for the interwebs to do ITS thang.. and offer its own versions of Ramsey's soundbites. First, let's put it to music... How long before his single drops on MTV? Kanye West wouldn't DARE interrupt HIM at the MTV awards. But let's see how INTERNATIONAL news outlets reported this...with its signature SUPER FUN CRAZY TAIWANESE ANIMATION!!! So, you know what? Good for him for being in the right place at the right time. He even said the reward money for finding the girls should be given TO the girls. Guy's gotta a good heart...that's probably deteriorating with all the McDonald's and ribs he's eating. I wonder how he feels about the McRib only be sold like ONE MONTH out of the year...

Y'know, I'm convinced that people in this world will get the good (or bad) that is coming to them. For example, I fully expect to die horrifically because of all the jokes I make on this blog and all of the asshole comments I make at work. But there are some things I just can't stand. Not being given enough time for lunch breaks is one. Being expected to work late hours for ridiculous meetings is another. But I REALLY can't stand bullies. And I'm sure this news crew can attest: people shouldn't bully people out of their jobs. Finally, a big shout-out to Intern Kelsay for getting ready to make her first foray into standup comedy at an open mic night. Good luck! And do NOT do what this meteorologist did... Not. That. Funny.

-B-