I Am GM Owner #134276890

As .0000001-part owner of General Motors, I'm calling a board meeting in my kitchen this Friday at 9am. Anyone not there forfeits their share of GM to me. I'll be making cookies.

Helluva week for the American economy. General Motors gets bought out by...well, US. Hulu.com announces it could start charging for its content soon (well, there goes Happy Fun Video Fridays), Virgin Records (and whatever the hell else that company owns) denied it's looking to buy Playboy (because if there's one thing I know for sure, you can NEVER find a virgin in Playboy)...and if all that weren't bad enough, NADYA SULEMAN IS SHOOTING A REALITY SHOW!

Yes, "Octomom Plus 8 Needs A Date, So Why Wait? She Smells Like Old Fishing Bait" is now in production. Just goes to show you where a Hottest Mess Tournament win will get you. Suleman's lawyer says it will be less intrusive than an ACTUAL reality show, because instead of following the mobile third-world nation around 24/7, cameras will only be there for big moments in the family's lives. I can't WAIT for the "Birds and the Bees" talk...or rather, the "Bunsen Beaker and the Turkey Baster." The Netherlands-based production company has NOT yet sold the show here in the U.S. because, quite frankly, it would put "Inside Edition," "The Insider," and "Thinking Hard" out of business. By the way, does it seem strange to anyone else that Suleman's getting so much press from "The Insider"...since no man wanted to be "Inside-her?"

I have to go slice some pepperoni for a pizza I'm making, but before I do that, a 25-year-old Egyptian guy told his parents he wanted to marry a woman of lower class (which is a cardinal sin in Egypt...but the Lohan household seems to be fine with it). They said no. So he CUT OFF HIS PENIS! What...the...fuck????? That's the coldest cut of all. His name must be "Nick." Let's hope he's not planning to be a doctor..."Hm, could I get someone to circumcise my son who's NOT THAT GUY???"

Let's wrap this biz-itch up with a note from last week's Electronic Entertainment Expo in California. "E3" to some, "Geek Week" to me, it's when the major video game companies come together to show off their new hardware and software and give some men the hope that they will come up with a brilliant high-tech idea...that will eventually get them out of their parents' basement. They'll still have to pay to get laid, but at least they can do it without hearing reruns of "M*A*S*H" upstairs (yes, Kelsay, that was for you). Anyway, Microsoft showed off this new hardware that's a voice-recognition system and a motion-capture camera. For those of you thinking at an 8th-grade level or below, I'll try not to be terse about this: sometimes, game companies develop games by having actors come into studios and put on spandex body suits with little computer chips at certain points on the suit (i.e., elbow, head, penis). Then the actors act out the moves in the game, and the computer records the motions to give programmers an easier time of designing the video game characters body movements. Anyway, Microsoft unveiled a new camera that sits on the TV set and allows people to interact with game characters. Believe me when I say this...you HAVE to check this video out:

Video Games - E3 2009 - Video Game Trailers

Ho....lee....shit. I think I just wet my penis. WOO-HOO! HAT TRICK! I GOT THE WORD "PENIS" IN THE BLOG THREE TIMES!...is that "M*A*S*H" on upstairs?
-B-