Take A Letter, Maria

Before we begin this installment of Thinking Hard, I need to hit on two things that happened this week in the span of about 8 hours. Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson are dead. Farrah Fawcett died Thursday morning, Jackson followed up in the afternoon. I slept through both of these things and only found them out when I woke up at 9:30 Thursday night to two text messages. It seems like all the landmark stuff happens when I'm asleep. Anyway, whether you like them or hate them, Fawcett and Jackson did a lot in their respective forms of entertainment and will be remembered for a long time.

Another thing that happened this week while I was asleep...South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford announced he had been having an extramarital affair with a woman in Argentina named Maria. He disappeared for about 5 days last weekend (FATHER'S DAY weekend, no less...he has four sons)...and it turns out he was down in Argentina. No one knew where he was. It's the equivalent of a babysitter in charge of about 4-million children (or Nadya Suleman's house, essentially) and just leaving to go to a movie with her boyfriend, leaving the kids to fend for themselves. But I don't do NEAR as good enough job reporting this story as The Daily Show does. Here, now, is Jon Stewart:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Governor Mark Sanford Is Missing
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Though, to be honest, South Carolina's essentially a rudderless ship WITH Sanford in charge...and if NY Governor Patterson wandered off, you can guarantee he would STILL avoid NEW JERSEY. Also, if you think the picture of Sanford naked is upsetting, consider this: he's as popular naked in South America as David Hasselhoff's "music" in Europe. Wyatt Cenac had more in a "live" report from the backwoods of the Appalachian Trail:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Fled Sanford
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Why stop here?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Governor Mark Sanford's Affair
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Now, to be fair, at least it was a Republican being caught with a WOMAN instead of a MAN. Yes, for Republicans, gay MARRIAGE is wrong, but gay AFFAIRS are so, so right. I suppose if Sanford was with a man, he would have ended up in ANUS AIRES, Argentina. Fox News even "mistakenly" named Sanford a Democrat briefly, as intern Kelsay was so kind to point out in this screen grab:



"Fair and Balanced"? More like "Listing More To The Right Than The Leaning Tower Of Pisa."

Jon Stewart also touched briefly on the "Jon & Kate Plus 8" issue. This week, the show announced the "Ozzie & Harriet"-like couple are getting a divorce. Really, who knew something was wrong in that marriage? They seemed like the perfect couple...with 8 children...and a wife that won't stop bitching at her husband...and a husband that seemed ready to kill himself every time his wife took in a breath of air to speak to him. Where's the love? At least we know where their priorities lie. Kate told reporters: "How does the show go on? The show MUST go on!" This from the woman who just a few weeks ago bashed the paparazzi, saying she didn't realize she was signing up for public scrutiny when she signed her nine children...er, husband and eight children...to a REALITY SHOW CONTRACT. Thaaaat's right, Heidi and Spencer are busting their asses trying to get attention, but Jon and Kate can do it by blinking. Maybe Heidi and Spencer should try working on a reality show. Y'know, without scripts.

Doctors in New York City performed a scan this week on a mummy thought for centuries to be a woman...turns out, the mummy's a MAN! And in an unrelated story, Perez Hilton got punched in the face...

Yes, fellow blogger Perez Hilton, who gained recent fame for his tirades against the "pro-opposite marriage, former Miss California" Carrie Prejean, got into a confrontation with the manager of the popular music group, Black Eyed Peas. A lawsuit filed by Hilton says he and the manager were at a nightclub in Toronto, Canada, early Monday morning when the manager came over and had a beef with how critical Hilton has been of the new Black Eyed Peas album. In a bizarre case of "the pot calling the kettle Black (Eyed Peas)," HILTON called Peas performer will.i.am a gay slur (I won't use it here because we try to avoid hate speech here at Thinking Hard...it adds nothing to the humor). So the manager hauled off and "Boom-Boom-Pow'ed" Hilton, punching him right in the eye. I can kinda see where both sides are right. The Peas are upset because they produced what they thought was a good album and didn't like Hilton bashing it. Hilton is upset because he feels he has the freedom of speech...that, and he's used to being punched in the BACK of the head.

-B-