I Blow'd Up Them Terrorists Good

Glad you could be with me for this installment of Thinking Hard. I'm also glad I could tear myself away from the video game that shattered sales records this week, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Here's the premise: you kill terrorists and save the world. You kill terrorists from a gun turret in Afghanistan. You kill terrorists on the rooftops of the slums of Rio de Janeiro (hey, I can see Olympic stadium from here!), and you kill terrorists while in a high-speed SNOWMOBILE CHASE. Also, there's apparently some level that the media doesn't like whereyouplayasaterroristandkilldozensofinnocentsatanairport... Wait, WHAT??? You play AS A TERRORIST??? You play AS A soldier-from-America-who's-undercover-with-a-bunch-of-russian-terrorists-in-an-effort-to-stop-an-even-larger-scale-attack TERRORIST??? That's SO UN-AMERICAN!! I mean, it's not like it's a quick level that ends with that particular character being shot in the head by the russians who already know he's undercover...in a level players can choose to SKIP altogether. Oh, wait, yes it is. But hey, I'm not going to complain about the media. The more bitching they do, the more hype and the more game sales. Remember all the hubbub of "hey, you can't smack a hooker around after you've had your way with her just to get your money back" from Grand Theft Auto 3? Yeah, that didn't stop the following FIVE SEQUELS from being some of the biggest-selling games of all time. I wonder if they asked Eliot "Stop Calling Me 'Swallow'" Spitzer for HIS thoughts on the game.

While we're talking about the media, let me extend a hearty congratulations to CNN's Lou Dobbs, who announced this week his immediate departure from his prime-time program to "pursue other interests." Wow, with all of his anti-immigrant, anti-Obama talk on his program, I can't IMAGINE what cable network he'll show up on next. Wait, what's this? I shit you not...he's going on O'Reilly's show Monday night. Maybe there'll be a spot for him on ANOTHER Fox talk show that could easily be renamed "Glenn and Scary's." Maybe they'll consider putting out ice cream flavors. Probably all vanilla.

More on Fox in a moment, but former beauty pageant whore and current MEDIA whore Carrie Prejean is doing a talk show circuit for her new autobiography (isn't she, like, 20???). But it's been overshadowed by talk that the reason she dropped her lawsuit against the folks at the Miss California pageant is that they had a sex tape on her! Y'know, there are some sex tapes I just don't care to see (like Tommy Lee's junk just to see Pam Anderson naked), but in this case, I could make an exception. Miss Prejean told NBC's Meredith Viera that she didn't need to "phone a friend"...the "sex tape" is a SOLO act she made for her boyfriend at the time. (cue the song "All By Myself") She didn't have a problem answering THAT question, but for some reason, she thought THIS was inappropriate:



That's only slightly less awkward television than that time she talked about "opposite marriage"...and that South Carolina chick talking about giving maps to children in South Africa or WHATEVER the fuck that chick was talking about. Or MTV doing a reality series on the guidos at the beaches of New Jersey. I WISH I was kidding. Or the announcement this week of a NEW "Charlie's Angels" coming to television. The creators say it will be for the "new generation of viewers who also remember the original from the late 1970s." You'll have to pardon me...I think my brain just ruptured.

While we're talking about shoddy television, there was a little problem with a story on Fox News this week. Can you spot it before Jon Stewart points it out?:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Sean Hannity Uses Glenn Beck's Protest Footage
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

I wonder how Fox responded to that...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Sean Hannity Apologizes to Jon
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

A high school in Massachusetts this week banned ANOTHER 4-letter word...Meep. Yes, meep. The thing that Beaker from The Muppet Show always says. Meep. Students apparently used Facebook to set up a disruption in classes using the word. Now, to recap: students said "Meep" so much in class, the school banned the word. Are you meeping kidding me?

Speaking of people with too much free time, apparently vaccuming with a Roomba is too easy and not exciting enough, so a group of guys did THIS:



You'd have to be on drugs to do that...or want some drugs really bad. Like the guy in Bessemer City, North Carolina, who's accused of trading his mother's silver Honda Accord for SIXTY DOLLARS worth of crack cocaine. $60! For a Honda Accord! Apparently the government started a new program called "Cash for Crunkers."

And let's wrap this up like we started it...with a very special look at video games:



That's surveillance video of a cab robbery in New York on Halloween night. Police say the victim survived the attack and could only tell them they were "looking for the best mushrooms" and "arguing about why the guy in the red was always the one who got to nail the 'princess.'"

Meep off.
-B-