First, are you the type of person who won't spend even the paltry amount of $15 on things like ugly clothes? (you two know who you are) Well, what would you be willing to spend FIVE bucks on? Please welcome our new Friend of the Show, Fiverr.com. Think of it as Craigslist...but cheaper and slightly less creepy. People all across the nation are offering their services for the meager sum of five bucks. Want a letter or card sent to your child from the Easter Bunny...because YOU'RE too lazy to make the effort? Five bucks. Algebra homework help? Five bucks. I'm a little concerned about this one...WEDDING INVITATIONS? Five bucks. It's unusual, but it's worth checking out.
Let's check out a news item really quick...Congress has passed the health care overhaul. (once we here at Thinking Hard finish "War & Peace," we'll go through the bill and let you know what's in it) In doing so, Congress has also proven republicans are bigger dicks than democrats. The day before the passage of the bill, two black democratic congressmen were subjected to racist shouts from protestors on Capitol Hill, and Thinking Hard friend Rep. Barney Frank was subjected to homophobic slurs. Now, you'd think that AFTER this bill passed, those classy protestors would chill out...nope. Now they're vandalizing offices of those who passed the bill and even issuing death threats! Somewhere, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity are laughing diabolically. Look, here's the deal. I believe that americans have inalienable rights...freedom of religion, freedom of speech, etc. But I doubt our forefathers envisioned that "freedom of speech" as "the freedom to use bigoted or homophobic slurs or to threaten one's life because you disagree with their stance on a certain issue." Fuckin' A, americans! Grow up! When President "Dubya" Bush was in office, democrats protested the war, but even THEY realized it would be counter-productive to start threatening people with violence (and they probably saw the irony in saying "Stop the violence...or I'll kill you!"). How about giving the bill a chance to work its magic, THEN criticizing? Especially since the only information some people are getting about the bill is straight from the opposition party...Fox News. As much as I hate her, Elisabeth Hasselbeck is on my side...and you KNOW that means I have a point if SHE agrees with me. All I'm saying? Give peace a chance. Besides, this whole health care thing has been in the works for more than a CENTURY. It's huge! How big a deal IS it, Joe Biden?
Love that guy. President Obama learned a lot from the Bush administration. While Bush tried to surround himself with brilliant minds to make himself look smarter, they just made him look like an idiot. So Obama decided to surround himself with idiots to make himself look brilliant.
Hey, you know those problems Toyota's having with its cars being unable to stop at high speeds? I think I figured out what the problem is:
That's video shot on a road in the United Kingdom. The person in the car is okay. But I'm a little concerned about the person who's shooting the home video...WHO'S ALSO DRIVING AT HIGH SPEEDS ON THE FREEWAY! Eyes on the road!!!
Now, today's wrap on entertainment news...
1. Fox is canceling "24" after 9 years. Now if they could just do the same to "American Idol." Seriously, who's that blonde guy they hired to judge?
2. MTV is FINALLY ending "The Hills." But I have to wonder if the network ever had any clue how useless that show is. The official release says the show helped launch the careers of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Yes, their budding careers as janitors at your local high school have INDEED gotten a boost from the show.
3. You ever get the sense that the people at TLC are smoking some REALLY good pot? After the abortion known as "Jon & Kate plus Alimony," now they're launch a Sarah Palin reality show. Each exciting weekly episode will be filled with Mrs. Palin trying to answer ongoing questions like "What's the meaning of life," "Should I run for president in 2012," and "Will Fox News require me to actually READ anything before I go on air today?"
Speaking of Palin, she's still nursing her injuries after being smacked down last week in the first round of the Hottest Mess Tournament. Let's get crack-a-lackin'...
Bristol Palin vs. Rielle Hunter
Bristol was coming out strong here, trying to avenge her mother's loss last week. And yes, it IS clear that she just doesn't have a good grasp (and might never) of what being an intelligent adult is all about. But let's face it...she's still a kid. She has a small excuse...unlike Hunter, who is old enough to know better.
(It's like looking at the painting, The Scream, isn't it?)
Winner: Rielle Hunter
Snooki vs. Rachel "Uck" Uchitel
I present Exhibit A:
GAH! MY EYES! ALL I CAN SEE IS ORANGE!!!!
Winner: Snooki
Let's take a moment in this intermission to welcome the octomom, Nadya Suleman. It's great to see even SHE has her limits (unlike the adult film industry). See, she allowed PETA to post a sign in her yard for $5K that says "Don't Let Your Dog or Cat Become an Octomom. Always Spay or Neuter." But she turned DOWN an offer from Vivid Entertainment to do a porno, even though her home is in foreclosure. Hey, her eight children will soon have to work in a sweatshop for a nickel a day, but at least their mom has her pride. So, we salute you, Nadya Suleman, and we retire your jersey...with the number 8. PLEASE don't make us put a 9 or any other number on a jersey for you!
Back to the action...
Carrie Prejean vs. Heidi Montag
This really comes down to which of these two airheads is more ignorant. Carrie Prejean has a pretty close-minded look at what marriage should be and who should and shouldn't be allowed to be together. But Heidi Montag actually thinks she's a talented singer and actress. And she thinks Spencer Pratt is attractive and good for her career.
Winner: Heidi Montag
And now, let's take a look to see Lindsay Lohan resting up and training for her FIRST matchup in the tournament:
Yes, after tripping and falling on a cactus, she said the paparazzi PUSHED her! Y'know, if she wanted a cactus that badly, I hear they're available at IKEA, right, Holly? That's okay...Lindsay will take a prick wherever she can get one.
Next week:
Rielle Hunter vs. Snooki
Heidi Montag vs. Lindsay Lohan
-B-
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