Why do all the hard thinking yourself? Leave it up to Andy and Blaine!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Thinking Hard: Ryan Lochte's Latest One-Night Stand
I don't know if you heard about the interview with USA Olympic gold medal swimmer Ryan Lochte's mom, but she said he basically has no time for dating, so he's usually more involved with one-night stands. In a separate interview, Lochte admits to sleeping in the nude and having sex with the lights on. This has been another moment of "Too Much The Media Tells Me About People."
Hey, before we dive in today, any video gamers out there? I know a lot of the Hard Thinkers out there are familiar with pop tech culture through the past 20-30 years, so when I say "Sega Genesis," you probably recognize it as the home console that competed with the first Nintendo Entertainment System (NES). I was an NES owner and loved me some Super Mario, but Sonic the Hedgehog and other Sega games always intrigued me, especially since the NES controller had only two red buttons on it...and Sega added a third. Sadly, none of that matters when you hook up SHOCK COLLARS to the system!:
That was done by a couple of French hackers, who will probably go on to use the technology to *ahem* MOTIVATE the French olympians who don't win a gold medal this year.
Speaking of the Olympics, have you heard of badminton? Yeah, me neither. But I watched the game and it's a lot like indoor tennis/volleyball/shuttlecocking. Anywho, four different teams of 2 women have been DISQUALIFIED from the badminton games because they were cheating. And when I say cheating, I don't mean "doping." I mean "pretending to play very badly." Yes, the women forced themselves to stumble around and make errors so they could draw weaker opponents later in the games. Ah, so that's what Joe Biden is doing...lulling VP opponents into false senses of security. Or he's just an airhead. Whatev.
Speaking of politics, Bristol Palin's short-lived reality show was only a precursor of MORE pain and agony from having to watch that dimwit on national TV. This week, ABC announced its "All-Stars" for the next season of Dancing with the "Stars," and Bristol Palin again made the list. Some day, SOMEONE will realize that having a Palin on television is comedy gold...but mostly from the people laughing AT the family.
Hey, did you eat at Chick-fellatio this week?
Y'know, what really makes me angry in all this is that it makes the news. I'll admit, I'm as guilty as any other news outlet. But neither side of this argument really matters in the grand scheme. Nor do people who email TV stations, accusing them of not running the story, when, in fact, the station is running the story every thirty minutes. People are dumb. Let's take a break from this ridiculousness to spend a little time with goats:
Hey, just in, the US just won gold in EVERYTHING at the Olympics...wait, should I have said "Spoiler Alert"?...
Actually, funny that the Daily Show addressed this because the web producer for the NBC station in Spokane, Washington, wrote on a blog that viewers who complained about spoilers being shown are "whiners." Love it. The Olympics, sadly, are news. Don't want to know what happened at the games? Does that supercede everything else in your life? Then stop watching news for two weeks. Because it's going to be on your TV, whether you piss and moan or not. Because random shit shows up on TV. All the time. If I were to tell you that comedian Zach Galifianakis did a competent job at weathercasting, you'd tell me to fuck right off. But this is the kind of random shit that shows up on TV...right before Will Ferrell ruins the Olympics:
Side note: Mr. Ferrell and Mr. Galifianakis, you're welcome to come do weather and news at Thinking Hard anytime. Also, go see "The Campaign" in theaters, opening later this month (free plugs can be used as bribes).
-B-
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