What Exactly IS A "Shawty"?

Ohhh...it's a SHORTY. Now I understand. Well, in that case, this week's blog is probably gonna be a "shawty." Let's see, what do we have in the news...Mitt Romney makes a "Obama's birth certificate is fake joke"? Nah, been there, done that. Guy shoots and kills people in downtown New York City? Please...have you SEEN New York City? Terrorists don't kill people...disgruntled ex-employees with guns kill people. Two weeks of political conventions start this week? Meh. I'll already be dealing with that shit at work. I don't need to put up with it here in my playground... Oh, here's one: it was a bad week for the Armstrong family. Neil Armstrong...y'know, the first man on the moon?...passed away. Actually, I didn't realize he was still alive. He's been overshadowed so many times by Buzz Aldrin's appearance on "Dancing with the Meh." But Neil Armstrong was a pioneer. I mean, look at how many people we send to the moon and beyond now. NASA has so many more missions planned...what? Financial problems? At a place that builds giant fucking space shuttles and sends people into space for next-to-no-apparent reason? Huh. Okay, scrub that. NASA is trying to load astronauts in other countries' shuttles and the agency is also launching robotic rovers to other planets...which, if you think about it, was probably the more fiscally-beneficial idea. Should've started that one sooner...like, say, BEFORE the Challenger blew up. It's also probably a lot cheaper to fill out "piece of robotic equipment being launched into outer space" on the insurance forms than "living, breathing (for now) human getting launched into outer space." Lance Armstrong has been stripped of his Tour de France wins because he gave up fighting the accusations of doping against him. I would like to think it's because he couldn't keep affording the attorneys and scientists who might have been able to prove he wasn't riding his bike on "roid rage." But we'll never know. So I guess we STOP referring to it as the "Tour de Lance" now? And, finally, Stretch Armstrong found out his gift of stretching and contorting his body in hundreds of different ways...was actually a warning sign of a very serious form of cancer. When asked why he didn't immediately go to a doctor when he first started stretching, Armstrong replied, "Y'know, I was young and stupid. And I OBVIOUSLY wasn't going to give up something that allowed me to grab a woman's ass from clear on the other side of Starbucks..." Ah, Stretch Armstrong...the only toy that makes men grab their balls in pain. ...aaaaand I'm being told none of these Armstrongs are actually related. Well, at least that answers why Neil Armstrong didn't just STRETCH his way to the moon. -B-