Why do all the hard thinking yourself? Leave it up to Andy and Blaine!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Bring On The Invisible DNC!
I'm pumped...I'm all stocked up on hard liquor so I can start my alcoholism this week as I deal with the Democratic National Convention. Extended work hours without extra pay? I wonder what invisible President Obama would say about that...
Before I start our special coverage of the Republican National Convention, let's get to some breaking news...
I hope he gets a medal of honor from police for his bravery in "Just Standing There Doing Nothing While A Suspect Runs By." If it's any consolation, the suspect wasn't a killer or anything. He just started running during a routine traffic stop. I would've liked to see that reporter cover Hurricane Isaac: "Well, we're here in Louisiana and WOW! LOOK AT THAT HUGE TIDAL WAVE! It looks like it's going to...yep, it wiped out that crowd of people that I could have yelled at to warn them, but I was doing other things. And now I'm off to the nearest Starbucks. Reporting live from Louisiana..."
Alright, now for the main event. The "mystery speaker" set up for the final night of the RNC. And you knew it HAD to be someone big because the speech was set up for the same night as Mitt Romney's acceptance speech. Oh, it was big, all right. HUGE. A big...look at the problem of giving America's elderly proper mental care...
Now, you're probably in one of two camps watching that speech: 1. Does this mean Clint Eastwood is trying to promote his new film, "A Fistful of...HOLY SHIT, SOMEONE ELSE'S HAND IS ATTACHED TO MY WRIST...No, Wait, It's Just Mine"? or 2. "And now, for the portion of the convention for what republicans refer to as 'comedy'..." Seriously, it's a wonder Clint Eastwood didn't violently turn into Gary Busey during that speech...
(Side note: whoever set up the Invisible Obama account on Twitter is a genius, and I'm not one to put the words "Twitter" and "genius" together. As of this posting, the account has more than 66,000 followers in just three days. Today's highlights include "Groupons > Medicare vouchers." Y'know, Invisible Obama is more interesting than Romney. I think a "Obama vs. Invisible Obama" presidential race would be VERY tight...)
But it got me to thinking...what if the whole speech was just a very subtle commercial? Specifically, a commercial for IKEA? And then I got in the mood of watching network news coverage to try to find a new chair. Let's see what Piers Morgan of CNN can offer me...
Meh. It's okay, but I really want a chair that can take the hard-hitting questions I have when I get home after a long day of work. Questions like "Why aren't the dishes clean" or "Whose cologne is that I smell on you?? Are you cheating on me??? Is someone ELSE sitting on your face????" How about it, MSNBC? Do you have anything available in THAT model?
AWESOME! I'll take 1. Just 1. I don't need 2 of them sitting around, talking behind my back when I'm not around...
But of course, where would be the fun in the RNC without The Daily Show?
Finally, in non-convention-related news, if you saw the moon turn blood-red this week, you know Snooki had her baby. She named it after the only names she could think of: Margarita Jack. I'm concerned for that baby on MANY levels, not the least of which is how Snooki will support it now that Jersey Shore has been canceled. FINALLY! "The Real Housewives" finally "fitted the competition for some cement shoes."
Now then, as I said before, bring on the DNC...and may it end quickly and painlessly.
-B-
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