What? There's a SWINE FLU to worry about too???
Honestly, unless you've been under a rock (it would have to be a very large one, like the Prudential rock...is that even still around?), you've probably heard SOMETHING about the "swine flu", aka "H1N1 flu", aka "Swoo", aka "Are you fucking kidding me?" Seriously, in eight years, I haven't seen so many television news anchors say "We are closely tracking this health emergency...but we don't want to frighten you." (of course, you can do THAT on your own) I think the last time I saw so much panic-ridden "journalism" was shortly after the 9-11 attacks, when EVERY terror threat and EVERY arrest of someone who wasn't white or black made the top of EVERY newscast. But it's funny to watch the governments of the world panic about something they don't understand.
First off, EGYPT slaughtered THOUSANDS of pigs this week because government officials were afraid of the pigs giving people the swine flu. I believe one of the heads of the World Health Organization used the term "ridiculous" when talking about the mass slaughter. Then, you have people in the U.S. AND Asia who don't want to touch any pork. Of course, health officials have come out and said "You can't catch the flu by eating pork," but all the general public hears is "OHMYFUCKINGGODYOUARE GONNADIEIFYOUCOMEINCONTACTWITHANYTYPEOFPIGKILLTHEMALL!" If the government had its way, I'm sure Winnie the Pooh's buddy, Piglet, would be taking to Guantanamo for a round of "questioning." (more on that in a moment) I applaud the World Health Organization's choice to change the name of the flu to the "H1N1" flu, since it's a hybrid of swine, bird and human strains of the flu. But I chide the media for STILL REFERRING to it as SWINE FLU. Can't we at least use "Swoo" if we're going to be inaccurate?
Twenty-two students at Slippery Rock University in Pennsylvania weren't even allowed to graduate with the rest of their class because they'd been on a trip to Mexico, the source of the "snoutbreak" (thanks, Daily Show). But don't worry...a VIDEOTAPE of their graduation was to be shown at one of the other graduation ceremonies. I realize the school's concern about not infecting the thousands of other people at the other ceremonies, but GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! The Centers for Disease Control reports about 36,000 people in the U.S. ALONE die a year...from the ACTUAL flu. Not this SWINE bullshit. The SWINE flu has killed about 160 people in Mexico, a country with a failing health care system. ONE infant died in the U.S....and the child was FROM MEXICO. Now, please do NOT let me sound like I'm ragging on Mexico. It could have just as easily been France or Indonesia or Idontgiveadamn-istan. Just Mexico's bad luck. But now everyone's freaking out in the U.S. for something that isn't even as deadly as a YEARLY threat!
One more note on this, then I'm hopping off my soapbox (onto another soapbox)...here's how you know the flu scare has gotten WAY outta control: two passengers on an AirTran flight this week from Mexico to Baltimore complained of feeling dizzy and nauseous. The crew freaked out, so the plane landed at Baltimore and everyone on board had to stay in the plane for about an hour. Turns out, the two guys were just DRUNK! Wow, if only they made an innoculation for "stupid."
In other news, a 35-year-old guy and his brother in Alaska (go figure) got into a little legal trouble. The brother got into a fight Monday night and was charged with criminal trespass. Police showed up and arrested him. Then, the 35-year-old asked police if he could talk to his brother in the back of the patrol car. After 5 minutes, he asked the officer if he could be arrested too to join his brother in jail. The officer declined...UNTIL the man shoved him with his fist. He pleaded guilty in court Wednesday and was sentenced to a month in jail...but the judge suspended his sentence, so he STILL won't go behind bars. Man, what do you have to do in Alaska to be put in jail? Run for governor??
Back to my Guantanamo discussion, Fox "News" and MSNBC are taking shots at each other. Fox's Sean Hannity said on his show last week that he doesn't think waterboarding is torture and would be willing to be waterboarded for charity. So, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann jumped all over this. He's offering $1,000 to the families of U.S. troops for every second Hannity can tolerate the "interrogation technique." Olbermann believes it's torture, ineffective and shouldn't have been done by Americans. Olbermann also said he'd double the amount if Hannity acknowledged he feared for his life and admitted waterboarding is torture. No response yet from Hannity. Hey, all in the name of charity, right? Times ARE tough...
Finally, speaking of Republicans vs. Democrats, a MAJOR Republican in the Senate jumped ship this week to the Democrats. Arlen Specter announced the party switch this week standing alongside President Obama and Vice President "I'm not going into ANY confined space during the swine flu scare" Biden. Here's The Daily Show's take...proving news can be funny AND informative...even Rick Sanchez:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | M - Th 11p / 10c | |||
| Changeling | ||||
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So grab your nearest pig anus and "bulldoze" ahead, friends.
-B-
1 comment:
The news is entertaining, though often moronic and misleading. When we've had enough of it we can find something else to do, like complain about it.
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