Moving ahead, some pretty big entertainment news this week...Ellen DeGeneres is leaving "American Idol." I know what you're thinking: "But, Blaine, didn't they already announce that?" No, you're thinking of the announcement that SIMON COWELL will not be returning. I can understand the confusion. Cowell is basically DeGeneres with dark hair and a pretentious accent. And without the spontaneous dancing. Anyway, guess whose career is so down the shitter that she's in talks to replace Ellen...JENNIFER LOPEZ! That's right, she could soon be adding "Paula Abdul/Ellen DeGeneres replacement" to her resume of "Singer" and "Dancer." Wait, what's that? You say she's also an "actress?" I SAW "Monster-in-Law"...she is NOT an actress.
Speaking of rather unusual acting moves, it was reported this week that Rihanna will have a role in an upcoming movie. While that alone sounds unusual, here's the movie she'll be in: "Battleship." Yes, THAT Battleship. As in "B-2...YOU SANK MY -." Seriously? I mean, "Clue" turned out okay, but that was back in the 80s. "Battleship" will not be good. And I'm sure it will open the door for other such classic movies as "Operation," "Sorry" and "Connect 4" (can't WAIT for that one). Rihanna hasn't been part of such a violent waste of time since (insert Chris Brown joke here).
More entertainment news..."Inception" star Leonardo DiCaprio is planning to star in a movie about Viking warriors (oooookay). OH WAIT! THIS JUST IN! Leo is dropping OUT of said Viking movie. Why? Because it's being directed by Mel Gibson. Why does that matter? Have you been living in a cave lately? Mel's mouth has become a "Lethal Weapon" in several recorded phone calls and voice mails released by his live-in girlfriend. There are also reports of domestic violence. Well, Mel, maybe you'll have to cave and hire a jew to star in your movie. Douche.
Hey, President Obama was on "The View" this week. I couldn't care less, but Sarah Palin's wolfskin panties are in a bunch over it. She says the pres should be focusing more on the controversial Arizona anti-illegal-immigration law and less on speaking to Whoopi Goldberg on national TV (I'm not surprised...he gets a guest shot talking to Barbara Walters, she's stuck with Kate Gosselin). Turns out she's not the only one upset about Obama's appearance:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
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Can you imagine how boring Fox News would be if they all stopped bitching (read: if McCain and Palin *shudder* got elected)? Hell, THIS guy has it more together than some of those a-holes (video has subtitles for obvious reasons):
"Um, Monsieur Marceaux-dot-com, there's a call on Line One...that's the button with the big '1' on it, sir...it's a Mrs. Palin, calling to ask if you'd like to be her running mate in 2012. Apparently, a Mr. Alvin Greene is unavailable." Seriously, I hope he gets elected. So we can sell grass for fuel. But at least he's not corrupt (I doubt he even knows what "corrupt" means):
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
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Hey, if any of you are into Apple computers (anyone? anyone? Bueller?), I hope you didn't buy one recently. Apple just announced a 27-inch touchscreen iMac (iPad? iPod?) for about $1,000. I've heard of people paying more to touch less. Anyway, I hope this video game somehow makes it onto the new iMac:
Wow, sounds risque! Simulation and digital puppetry DO sound complicated. Virgins, you already start with 2,000 bonus points!
But the award this week for most hilarious local news story goes to this one. James Hartsell sent this in. You WILL want to boost your volume for it:
Shit, I gotta go...I left my t-shirt somewhere. Oh, well, I guess they'll just bring it back to me.
-B-
1 comment:
I <3 you. :)
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